When I started this blog, I didn’t know what I was doing. I still don’t entirely, but I do know enough now to recognize mistakes I’ve made.
Here’s a big one: I chose to portray myself purely as a writer, with only one short line of my “About” page revealing the truth that I have a non-writing day job. Why? I felt that a writer’s website — that my writer’s website — had to project the image that the writer did nothing but write. I felt like it would be amateur and unprofessional to portray myself as a guy who works a day job but adores writing and does it on the side as often as he can.
But the truth is I am a guy who works a day job but adores writing and does it as often as I can. That’s me.
I projected this false image even though one of the things I dislike the most in life is phoniness. I crave genuineness in conversation, in emotion, in interaction with others. I spot attempts to cover reality or to put on an act a mile away, and they turn me off, big time. And I was doing just that when I wore an “I am a writer and nothing else” mask.
There was another reason I hid my true self on this blog, and it’s one I only recently realized. Unhappy with my job, I went out and got a new one last month. But upon deeper reflection, I realized I’d been unhappy at my old job for a very long time — probably well over a year. At first, the fact that I worked with some of my very best friends masked my displeasure, but as they left the company, there was nothing to dull the pain. I see now that this unhappiness led me to unconsciously deny “day job me” here on this blog because this is where I write about things that make me happy. Things like writing and stories. And breakfast cereal.
But now it’s July 2016, I’ve published my first novel, and I have a new day job with a new company I love, working with new people I already really like. With this new perspective, I need to declare myself.
There is a press conference scene at the end of Iron Man in which Tony Stark denies he was the guy seen in a high-tech suit of armor. He says he’s not a superhero, and that it’s crazy to suggest he could be one, all before his brain goes all what the hey and he tells the reporters, “The truth is: I am Iron Man.”
Well, the truth is: I am a software engineer. I’m actually a very good software engineer. And I’m not going to hide that on this blog anymore. It’s an important part of who I am.
Andy Weir, David Wroblewski, Ken Jennings… these are some of my brothers in words. Fellow writers. But each of them is (or was) also a software engineer, meaning they are also my brothers in code.
And because I shielded this part of myself for so long, I’ll reveal a little secret. Want to know how each and every engineer imagines himself or herself? We imagine ourselves like this: